Saturday, February 9, 2013

I attempt to fill out one of those high school quizzes.

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?

-Only boys who flirt with me ask me this question. Girls who ask me this question (which has happened) asked it rather rhetorically, and figured that, as an artist, I had a free pass to weed and wanted to know if I had weed by asking if I smoked cigarettes. Then they would say "so not weed? Ok."

whats on your mind?

-nothing is on your mind or in it or anywhere near it if you're filling one of these things out. Therefore, I am pretty...messed up right now.

What if I told you that you were pretty?

-Well it's a better line than the cigarette one.

Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”?

-I've been told "You knew I was a dick but you kept dating me. You knew I was a DICK, didn't you? I mean...c'mon, I'm literally a real dick. But you dated me anyway? That's your problem."

Are you interested in anyone right now?

-I'm interested in Self-Reliance.

What are you looking forward to in the next week?

-making money. Like seriously, someone buy my stuff or hire me, I'm filling out these stupid tests!

Do you want to be single?

-Yeah. A lot. That's why I haven't dated anyone in a long while. Being single is aaaawwwwwweeessome.

Did you go out or stay in yesterday?

-I went out.

How late did you stay up last night?

-I find this question more offensive than the relationship question. I have a hard time sleeping, OK? Why does everyone else sleep but me! It's unfair.

Can you recall the last time you realised you liked someone a lot?

-nope. I live in a wonderful relationship-less void and it is something beautiful and I HIGHLY recommend it. Never been more at peace.

Last three things you had to drink?

-Water. Hot chocolate. Water.

Have you pretended to like someone?

-Yeah. To myself. Accidentally might have done that to other guys. I mean, some guys if you just hang out more than 3 times you're basically ready for marriage.

Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it?

-When you date guys that aren't real men, you can't actually love them. I realized this the hard way: you feel really bad for them, you want to change them--you think you're the only one who can reach to them--but you can't love them. We don't have a word for what that type of crazy feeling is in english, so we call it love. But it's not...actually love. Love is something that real men do, where it's not just you clinging on to this crazy poisonous commitment no one in their sane mind can actually keep, but in a benificial relationship that creates order and peace and control--that's the only time there's actually love.  Woah tangent.

So yes, I have told someone I loved him but didn't actually mean it, although I wasn't aware that I didn't mean it at the time.

Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months?

-Only God and my cat are privvy to that.

Is it hard for you to sleep?

-Excuse me as I cry one thousand tears.

Think back five months ago, were you single?

-That's a random number of months you've got there, test maker.

What were you doing at 12:30 yesterday afternoon?

-I finally took a shower.

Hold hands with anyone this week?

-My cat has the softest little paws. She bites, though.

Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?

-I don't drink and will continue not to drink without any qualms or desire to drink. But I'm surprised that this question is on this test, as if alcohol is an illegal drug. Makes me wonder about who wrote it.

What would you name your future daughter?

-a virgin-birth miracle.

Do you miss anyone?

-Sure, all the time there's someone to miss.

Have you kissed three or more people in one night?

-No. I'm not like that.

Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?


Are you good at hiding your feelings?

-Apparently, yes. Especially from people I want to read them.

Have you ever cried from being so mad?

-There's something hilarious about crying from being mad. But yea, we've all been babies, right?

Who did you last see in person?

-Bro came by, wanted me to teach him how to code a video game in flash. As if I know how to do that. I told him to look at the internet for tutorials, he got depressed and decided to cook some bacon instead.

Are you listening to music right now?

-no. I'm trying to be less of a media-whore.

What is something you currently want right now?

-JOB. Money. Cheaper car-insurance.

What is the last thing you said out loud?

-"Maybe if RPG-Maker didn't look like so much bad anime, bro."

How is your heart lately?

-Very complete, actually.

Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?

-not usually. I look like I'm in a cult when I do. I've got a small head so it's very pointy when I wear it up.

Are you wearing socks?


What do people call you?


Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

-I don't like anyone. You infer that I always like someone? Sometimes you just don't like anyone.

Are there any stressful situations in your life?

-Haha underemployment!

Who did you last share a bed with?

-I share my bed with no one. Not even my cat.

Did you do something bad today?

-This test.

When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?

-Don't say it like that, it's creepy.

Do you get stressed out easily?

-Like an aeresol can.

Will you sing today? public?

Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t?

-Is this test to see if I'm not a robot?

Who do you go to when you need to talk to someone?

-Twitter. OK maybe instead I talk to Dad. But mostly Twitter.

Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance?


What are you listening to right now?

-No! Stop it!

What is wrong with you right now?

-Same question again!?

What is on your wrists right now?

-Nothing! Ugh stop it! I hate this stupid test!

Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing?

-Oh my gosh this test is like a new roomate who doesn't know how to open up or talk to you yet, and so asks a whole bunch of random questions when you just want to eat mac and cheese and hide in your room watching youtube movies so like seriously, I don't remember where I bought my shirt.

What do you like better: hot chocolate or hot apple cider?

-hot chocolate.

Do you make wishes at 11:11?

-I always wish for a good boyfriend. The universe goes "LOL!" Like literally it stops, points it fingers and says "llllooooolll" in an echoey boomy kind of way.

Are you a good artist?

-I'd hope so.

Love really is a beautiful thing huh?

-That because I'm an artist? Artists tend to think love is pretty sadistic actually. Like...have you seen art? Or read books written by authors? Artists get pretty brutal about that sort of thing.

Anyway, I think it's all right.

Do you miss the way things were six months ago?

-Hell no.

Ever been on a golf cart?

-Yes. I'm a snob.

Do you have trust issues?

-Yes. I dated dicks.

Ever stayed up all night on the phone, with who?

-All night long? That's like...that's like 10 hours, you realize that? No one has ever done that on the phone.

Do you own something from Hot Topic?

-No. That store is still open? I thought they all got bought out and instead sold lame tacos instead of lame shrinky-dink shirts with "SEXY" bedazzled on them.

Do you use chap stick?


Have you ever slapped someone in the face?

-No. Oh wait...yeah...guilty.

Do you have a little sister?

-Nope. Lots of nieces.

Have you ever been to New York?

-Yes, yes I have.

Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

-Yeah, it was my brother. He better've meant it.

Have you hugged someone within the last week?

-I'm not a hugger. People do hug me, though.

What were you doing at midnight last night?


Have you ever regretted kissing someone?


Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?


Were your last three kisses from the same person?


Have you kissed anyone in the last five days?


Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?


Will next Friday be a good one?




I'm exhausted.

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